he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How's work?
Spinning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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