i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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