I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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