it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
