my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now