You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?