Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY