Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He better not be in your backpack
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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