Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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