i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
