maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
