She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
