Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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