He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
