and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
