Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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