That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
