I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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