but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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