Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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