before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
