she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
