i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it hurts more in the daytime
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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