He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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