Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
