Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
