I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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