Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
