Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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