i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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