I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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