id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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