im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she pinky promised me she was 18
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
