Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
