I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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