i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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