The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
