So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
