Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
pray to the hookup gods
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
