I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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