So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
