It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
