we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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