So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
