So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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