I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
