She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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