plz talk dirty to me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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