bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sorry about my life...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Text me some of your sweat
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