I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
cat food counts as protein by the way
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
