Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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