it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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