My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's shark week go big or go home
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
