Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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