The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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