You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
