thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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