i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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