Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
