fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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