and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
