then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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