it wasn't lemon gatorade
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
