Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The uberlube is also flammable
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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