New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
