I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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