It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
