hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
