I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
