so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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