My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
