I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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