I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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