I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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