So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
