Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
