You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
