either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
